ABSURDISME

La estética del fantasma & tenerle miedo al estudio

New York City April-May 2013

A Personal Report

hoy pensé, en la muerte, en la percepción y el recuerdo

y como la muerte puede ser percibida o no, y como hoy el medio rompe con el recuerdo y lo hace cuestionable y entonces como la muerte es o no muerte ycual es la muerte es acaso el ocaso o es su efecto sobre nosotros y entonces si no estuvimos ahi pero la recordamos coo la recordamos y si la percibimos directamente entonces la es, pero si no, si solo podemos percibirla from afar, en qué se convierte?

Tu n’as rien vu a hiroshima.

no yo no vi hiroshima, ni sus hospitales ni su gente, ni nada, ni siquiera lo visité y probablemente no viva mi hiroshima como hiroshima, porque ese hiroshima seguramente sea a través de medios electrónicos que de nada sirven para entender la totalidad de esos hiroshimas, pero es acaso esa razón para decir que no hubo nada allí, que mi hiroshima no fué nada?

yo vivo y recuerdo por eso pero acaso hoy puedo recordar aquello que solo vivi a través de una percepción electrónica?

No sé, no sé si quiero saber tampoco bueno chau

sueños

a) mis amigos crackoinómanos que matan gatitos dentro de minivans cuyas ventanas estan tapadas por memory cards gigantes, rezan drogados.

b) un hombre-mono acosa mi departamento que tiene ventanales en los techos, y no me deja dormir, mi amiga que duerme con su novio al costado me dice que esta en mi cabeza, o algo por el estilo, mi hermano fuma pporro en su habitación

c) volver a un aula con un ex que ya no es ex y su novia que ya no es su novia, incomodidad.

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous

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Not to be confused with Sex Addicts Anonymous or Sexaholics Anonymous.

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (S.L.A.A.) is a twelve-step program for people recovering from sex addiction and love addiction.

History

S.L.A.A. (sometimes written SLAA) was founded in Boston, Massachusetts in 1976, by a member of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Though he had been a member of AA for many years, he repeatedly acted out and was serially unfaithful to his wife. He noticed a correlation between his powerlessness and unmanageability with alcoholism and with recurring sex and love issues. He founded S.L.A.A. as an attempt to stop his compulsive sexual and romantic behavior.^[1]^[2]^[3] S.L.A.A. was the first of several 12 Step programs to focus on sex addiction, together called the “S” fellowships, that all emerged independently on separate coasts in the late 70s. In cities with few meetings, different “S” programs occasionally work together by sharing resources.

S.L.A.A. is sometimes known as the Augustine Fellowship, because early members saw many of their shared symptoms described by St. Augustine of Hippo in his work Confessions.^[4] Also the first meeting place in a church in 1976 discouraged them from using the name Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous on church records for fear of controversy among the congregation.^[5]

The Board of Trustees of the Augustine Fellowship, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (S.L.A.A.), Fellowship Wide Services, Inc. (F.W.S.) was established seven years later in 1983. The first annual Conference of S.L.A.A. was held January 14, 1984 at the Grace Episcopal Church in Newton, Massachusetts. The Business Meeting was opened with eighteen people in attendance.^[6]

About the Program

As of 2012, there were over 16,000 estimated members with 1200 meetings in 43 countries including Brazil, China, India, Israel, New Zealand, South Africa, United Arab Emirates, Uruguay and most of Europe. ^[6] S.L.A.A. is pronounced “SLAW” on the west coast and “SLAY” on the east coast of the United States. COSLAA is another twelve-step fellowship created to support the family members and friends of sex and love addicts.

S.L.A.A. encourages members to identify their own “bottom-line behaviors” with the guidance of a sponsor. The organization identifies these behaviors as “any sexual or emotional act, no matter what its initial impulse may be, which leads to loss of control over rate, frequency, or duration of its occurrence or recurrence, resulting in spiritual, mental, physical, emotional, and moral destruction of oneself and others.” Maintaining “sobriety” in the S.L.A.A. program requires abstaining from one’s bottom-line behaviors. However, these behaviors are never set in stone and may change as S.L.A.A. members continue in the program.^[2] Examples of bottom line behaviors might include sexual or romantic activity outside the scope of monogamous relationships, anonymous or casual sex, compulsive avoidance of intimacy or emotional attachment, one-night stands, compulsive masturbation, obsessive fantasy, compulsive attraction to unavailable or abusive partners, and a wide variety of addictive sexual, romantic, or avoidant behaviors. Other areas of the addiction include addiction to Fantasy and Sexual/Emotional Intrigue.

Many of those practicing the S.L.A.A. recovery program develop the ability to engage in a healthy committed relationship.^[1] S.L.A.A. encourages recovery from sexual anorexia, emotional anorexia and social anorexia, three related areas of self-deprivation that lead to isolation and often accompany patterns of addictive behavior.^[7] It is stressed in meetings, however, that SLAA is not a dating program.

As in AA and other 12-Step programs, members are encouraged to find recovery through Sponsorship. Members work with a sponsor who is also a member of S.L.A.A. who guides the sponsee (member) through the Twelve Steps of recovery. Many members and sponsors feel that recovery is not achievable without active sponsorship.

Literature

S.L.A.A. publishes the book Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, it is approved by the organization for use in their fellowship.^[5] This book, also known as the Basic Text, was first published in 1986 and provides insight into the problem of sex and love addiction, information on working the 12 steps of S.L.A.A., the history of Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous, and personal stories from members of the program. The book is available for purchase through their online store at their official website and through the worldwide F.W.S. Office based in San Antonio, Texas. S.L.A.A. publishes the Journal, a bi-monthly magazine. A free issue for newcomers and healthcare professionals is available at the official website. There are eight Core Documents of S.L.A.A.^[6]:

The 12 Steps of S.L.A.A.
The 12 Traditions of S.L.A.A.
The S.L.A.A. Preamble
Characteristics of Sex and Love Addiction
40 Questions for Self-Diagnosis
Signs of Recovery
Recommended Guidelines for Dealing with the Media
The 12 Concepts for World Service of S.L.A.A.

Qualifiers

Sex and Love addicts often have one or more qualifiers. A qualifier is defined as anyone that qualifies the addict to be in the program. Examples of qualifiers can be person(s) the addict is having an affair with, romantic obsessions, former lovers and/or spouses, or even current partners and spouses.^[8]

Anorexia

Anorexia, as it relates to the area of sex and love addiction is defined as the compulsive avoidance of giving or receiving social, sexual or emotional nourishment. Anorexia can be extremely hard to detect. While Sex and Love addicts act “out” on their bottom line behaviors (such as engaging in a sexual encounter) anorectics act “in” by refusing to act. Like all addiction anorexia does not spring from a source of weakness. It comes from an insatiable, primal drive. It is ‘self-will run riot’. Anorexia consists of not doing something, and not doing something, and NOT doing something. While sex and love addicts overtly hurt themselves in ways that can be obviously seen, such as destroying a marriage by cheating on a spouse, anorectics hurt themselves by refusing to do those things which are healthy; mentally, physically and spiritually. Anorexia can even appear as recovery. Many sexual anorectics believe they have actually been cured of the addiction only to find later that the disease has worsened and progressed in unexpected ways.^[8]

Related to anorexia are the areas of Fantasy and Intrigue.

Fantasy

Fantasy comes in various forms. An addict may have fantasy thoughts about a prospective lover or sexual partner. In many ways sex and love addicts, especially fantasy addicts and/or anorectics live in a fantasy world of their own making. Addicts relate this as “not being present.” Fantasy is a non-truth. It is a lie believed in or partially believed. Fantasy often mirrors so closely the real thoughts that it is difficult for the addict to know the difference between fantasy and reality. For example, an addict may have a fantasy romantic relationship with a qualifier, yet not have an actual relationship with this person. The addict can believe the fantasy world because it is so closely aligned to their own. One program tool of recovery available to the addict is contrary action. Members find a contrary action, often a needed action such as doing the laundry or talking to another S.L.A.A. member. The obsession of the mind can even lead the addict to believe they are working the program when in actuality they are not doing the actions of the program which may lead to the addict drifting away from the S.L.A.A program. Working closely with a sponsor and keeping in contact with other S.L.A.A. members can help the addict stay in the program actions of recovery.

Fantasy anger. Addicts can often experience fantasy anger. Fantasy anger can arise once the addict has been “triggered.” Triggers can include emotional experiences similar to those of the addicts childhood or present day traumas. Fantasy anger is possibly genuine anger and can be tied to real injustices the addict has experienced. This anger can then shift onto other subjects and can lead to acting out. In recovery, addicts can learn to experience “right-sized” anger and emotions.^[8]

Intrigue

The closest way to describe emotional intrigue is flirting. The addict may talk to a prospective sexual and/or romantic partner or this may be imaginary. Other methods of intrigue include giving hugs or handshakes or massages. Intrigue can manifest in the form of texting, emailing, chat rooms or checking up on the person. Intrigue can also come in the form of simply being in the presence of the person. The addict warms themselves on the “fire” of their prospects presence and potential for sex, romance or love. Often the addict intrigues as a means of setting up a future sexual encounter or romantic liaison. Fantasy can play a role in the intriguing process.^[8]

The Addict’s Condition

A day in the life of an sex and love addict. The addictive behavior often begins with a series of smaller, auxiliary behaviors that the addict engages in, sometime weeks or months in advance. An addict is often caught in a “hamster wheel” of these auxiliary behaviors that bring them closer and closer to acting out on their most “Bottom Line” addictive behaviors. Once the ball (wheel) is set in motion, the addict has little to no chance of not acting out. An addict for example that dials the phone number of a prostitute, and then hangs up before the prostitute answers deludes him/herself into thinking they have escaped acting out. They will inevitably act out on that precursory behavior. The action of that auxiliary behavior is a “vote” or unconscious commitment to act out in the future, if not immediately. Without nipping that idea in the bud through contrary action, the thought will fester and grow within the addict’s obsessive mind until at some point, they will no longer be in control of their actions. Sex and love addicts generally take good and pleasurable things such as love, sex, and friendship (or lack thereof) and warp them into an ‘armor’ that protects them from extremely uncomfortable feelings they believe they are not able to tolerate. Sex and love addicts often have feelings of abandonment and loneliness so deep, so intense, so dark, and so painfully hopeless that it feels they will literally die if they feel these feelings and in an almost unconscious, compulsive act, they turn to things that help them escape these emotions and, ironically, in their self-destructive acting out create the very life situations they are hoping to avoid which serves to perpetuate the obsession of the mind into a downward spiral of shame and hopelessness. When these uncomfortable feelings come up and the addict is already on the “edge of the pool” as some members call it, acting out is inevitable. Attempts to stop the acting out on their own will ultimately fail. This is because an attempt to stop acting out without the aid of someone else is by definition: self-will. And self-will is by definition: the disease of addiction. An addict trying to stop acting out creates more shame and hopelessness which leads to more acting out. The hamster wheel keeps spinning and there is no apparent way off. An addict may completely understand his/her condition. It is said that “understanding the disease is not the cure for the disease.^[8]

Treatment

Untreated, all forms of Sex and Love Addiction will get worse over time. It is a common belief that most sex and love addicts will die in their disease. The S.L.A.A. program is an established method of recovery. Treatment does not stem from trying to manage the disease. Treatment is directly to the spiritual malady. Once the spiritual malady is corrected, the addicts life begins to change in ways unforeseen and unexpected. Recovery from the addiction is considered by many members as a by-product of the greater spiritual growth and health the member gains while actively working the twelve steps of recovery. This does not come by doing the program alone because as stated, this is self-will and self-will is the addiction. Recovery begins with sponsorship.^[8]

Sponsorship

Members work with a sponsor who is also a member of S.L.A.A. that guides the sponsee (member) through the twelve-step program of recovery. Most members and sponsors feel that recovery is not achievable without active sponsorship. Members can choose whether they want a sponsor or not and sponsorship is free of charge and arranged by mutual agreement between the sponsor and sponsee. Generally, newer members approach potential sponsors and ask them to sponsor them. This is an important dynamic to the recovery process as willingness to get recovery and pursue it is a crucial component of recovery. Some sponsors suggest to newcomers that to get real recovery from sex and love addiction the sponsee must have: 1. Willingness to stop acting out on their bottom line behaviors. 2. A willingness to pursue a spiritual power greater than themselves 3. An attitude of gratitude 4. Willingness to do the simple actions of the program of recovery on a daily basis. Some sponsors suggest to newcomers to keep close to those who have solid recovery early on. It is often further suggested that newcomers choose a sponsor who has the greatest level of recovery available, i.e. “has what the sponsee wants.”^[8]

(Next day)

Allen Ginsberg: What about control?

William Burroughs: Now all politicians assume a necessity of control, the more efficient the control the better. All political organizations tend to function like a machine, to eliminate the unpredictable factor of affect — emotion. Any machine tends to absorb, eliminate, Affect. Yet the only person who can make a machine move is someone who has a motive, who has Affect. If all individuals were conditioned to machine efficiency in the performance of their duties there would have to be at least one person outside the machine to give the necessary orders; if the machine absorbed or eliminated all those outside the machine, the machine will slow down and stop forever. Any unchecked impulse does, within the human body and psyche, lead to the destruction of the organism.

Allen Ginsberg: What kind of organization could technological society have without control?

William Burroughs: The whole point is, I feel the machine should be eliminated. Now that it has served its purpose of alerting us to the dangers of machine control. Elimination of all natural sciences — If anybody ought to go to the extermination chambers, definitely scientists. Yes, I’m definitely antiscientist because I feel that science represents a conspiracy to impose as the real and only universe, the universe of scientists themselves — they’re reality-addicts, they’ve got to have things so real so they can get their hands on it. We have a great elaborate machine which I feel has to be completely dismantled — in order to do that we need people who understand how the machine works — the mass media — unparalleled opportunity.

Allen Ginsberg: Who do you think is responsible for the dope situation in America?

William Burroughs: Old Army game, “I act under orders.” As Captain Ahab said, “You are not other men but my arms and legs –” Mr. Anslinger has a lot of arms and legs, or whoever is controlling him. Same thing as the Eichman case: he’s the front man who has got to take the rap. Poor bastard, I got sympathy for him.

Gregory Corso: Could you or do you think it wise to say who it will be or just what force it will be that will destroy the world?

William Burroughs: You want to create a panic? That’s top secret — want to swamp the lifeboats?

Gregory Corso: O.K. How did them there lifeboats get there in the first place?

William Burroughs: Take for instance some Indians in South America I’ve seen. There comes along this sloppy cop with his shirt buttons all in the wrong hole. Well then, Parkinson’s law goes into operation — there’s need not for one cop but seven or eight, need for sanitation inspectors, rent collectors, etc.; so after a period of years problems arise, crime, dope taking and traffic, juvenile delinquency. So the question is asked, “What should we do about these problems?” The answer as Gertrude Stein on her deathbed said, comes before the question — in short before the bastards got there in the first place! That’s all —

Allen Ginsberg: What do you think Cuba and the FLN think about poets? And what do you think their marijuana policy is?

William Burroughs: All political movements are basically anti-creative — since a political movement is a form of war. “There’s no place for impractical dreamers around here,” that’s what they always say. “Your writing activities will be directed, kindly stop horsing around.” “As for the smoking of marijuana, it is the exploitation for the workers.” Both favor alcohol and are against pot.

Gregory Corso: I feel capitol punishment is dooming U.S.A.

William Burroughs: I’m against Capitol Punishment in all forms, and I have written many pamphlets on this subject in the manner of Swift’s Modest Proposal pamphlet incorporated into Naked Lunch; these pamphlets have marked Naked Lunch as an obscene book. Most all methods of capitol punishment are designed to inflict the maximum of humiliation — not attempts to prevent suicide.

Allen Ginsberg: What advice do you have for American youth who are drawn to political action out of sympathy for the American revolution?

William Burroughs: “I wouldn’t be in your position” — old saw. If there is any political move that I would advocate it would be an alliance between America and Red China, if they’d have us.

Gregory Corso: What about the Arab peoples — how are they faring?

William Burroughs: They’re stuck back thousands of years and they think they’re going to get out with a TV set.

Gregory Corso: What about the Negros, will they make it — not only the ones in the South, but everywhere?

William Burroughs: Biologically speaking the Afro-Asiatic block is in the ascendancy — always remember that both Negro and White are minority groups — the largest race is the Mongoloid group. In the event of atomic war there is a tremendous biological advantage in the so-called undeveloped areas that have a high birth rate and high death rate because, man, they can plow under those mutations. The country with a low birth rate and low death rate will be hardest hit — and so the poor may indeed inherit the earth, because they’re healthier.

Allen Ginsberg: What do you think of White Supremacy?

William Burroughs: The essence of White Supremacy is this: they are people who want to keep things as they are. That their children’s children’s children might be a different color is something very alarming to them — in short they are committed to the maintenance of the static image. The attempt to maintain a static image, even if it’s a good image, just won’t work.

Gregory Corso: Do you think Americans want and could fight the next war with the same fire and fervency as they did in World War II?

William Burroughs: Undoubtedly, yes — because they remember what a soft time they had in the last one — they sat on their ass.

(Source: eggsackley, via myheartisyoung)

Y era la razón para escribir, para enredar palabras en frases y volverlas sin sentido y sin sentir. Y volvió sin que nadie invite y nadie le dió la bienvenida. Y nos preguntamos porqué? Con qué pretexto tiene que ser siempre la misma historia una y otra, ya tres veces, sin punto alguno, solo pesar para todos.

Ayer me quejaba de que no escribía más, evidentemente mis razones volvieron, tengo que volverme a cuestionar las cosas, las personas, los porqués las existencias divinas que no son. Sería más fácil poder borrar de mi cuerpo todo artefacto hecho para sentir.

Dile a mi abuelo… - Mariano Blatt

say to my grandfather
that the nazis have backed
but say to him also
that now distant bombs blast
and fall in the fields
golden between the maize .

tell him that the reds
have abandoned the city

and no one believes
that they will return.
at most tell him
that the zoo is empty
or ask him if he still recalls
the anguish of the reduced space